Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
