I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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