She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize