Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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