You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
