i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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