his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
