Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I didn't notice because vodka
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
