No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
