oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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