If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
