I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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