youre lurking in front of me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
