I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
