I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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