Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?