you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.