I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*