I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me