were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
