tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
