im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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