you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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