a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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