So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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