I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Welp...herpes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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