i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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