it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
