clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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