I am full of burrito and curiosity
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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