I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think my mom watched the whole time
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
