it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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