My brain says no but my pants say off.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
