Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
