why didn't you poke me back
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
