My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize