office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
