you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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