Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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