i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
