we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
