this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
