I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
