Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
