You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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