Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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