his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
