Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
