3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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