Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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