Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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