ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize