he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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