I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
