put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
