I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i out mim tonsoeep
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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