the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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