and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
