I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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