Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
