Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
