I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just had sex on a roof
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
