Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
