Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
