i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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