in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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