I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
