i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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