the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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