ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
vagina is talking i cant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
