some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
