Will you blow on my dice?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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