he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
