you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
