yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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