Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
