i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
